SEP-
This month I weep for you.
Inside the tears catch,
Snag heat,
Tendrils of smoke emerge from my eyes,
Vestiges from the fires within.
Flames lap at my mouth,
/
I wonder —
Can you feel the heat when you touch my lips?
/
This month I burn out,
Throat raw and rasping where you once
Licked my wounds and made me whole again.
I think of before, then,
Now and then I think also of how you’ll collect the ashes that remain,
Hold them in your hand, watch them blow away.
/
OCT- (ober/over)
This month I scream for you.
But I think the sound shatters before you can swallow it
What emerges are Low, guttural sounds, instead,
Howls from my empty stomach.
These sounds
Remind me that I have heard this breaking before.
/
All in time,
I’m told, but the time does not pass like it used to.
/
This month the air smells of rot,
Blown by wind to be disguised as the breath that leaves your mouth
When I am close enough to smell.
But I am not convinced. I can smell decay.
I salvage my love for you from this stinking pile,
This stinking mess.
/
NOV-
This month my bones grow cold,
And I ask you to warm them for me,
Sliding between your ribs
Until I feel myself shake against your heart.
Slow, it beats, so slowly —
You, I know, have never feared dying.
/
I have always feared death
And so I cling to you as if you are the light.
/
This month the days grow dark before I can even think to speak.
I speak in order to think the unthinkable things.
My skin falls off in bed as I watch you leave, Through my window.
When I leave you it is never the same.
It is always dark.
I walked home in the rain, remembered again how to love.
/
DEC-
This month I love you again,
For now there is nothing left for me to have.
Really, we play pretend,
Love in fractions like it will make us whole,
Touch without feeling,
Feel without touching the beneath.
/
When I awoke I was asleep.
I think I dreamt of you.
/
These months I smell the end.
My tongue charred to a crisp,
I hold the embers in my hand.
I open my mouth as you cry,
Watch you drop the flaming match inside.
Unsure, I feel, if this pain will ever come again.
this is going nowhere 