#1
Further, and further away
I have become a wisp of wind, a shadow
That disappears after 5 o’clock.
When i eat dinner i feel the grains of rice
slide Between my ribs, and
Then drop as if into A well,
the pits of my Stomachs.
For i am hungry in more places than one.
I pluck at the scab on My ankle over
and Over again, thinking
It a tick, a parasite,
Thinking a scar Is better than not
Knowing what type of pain i will suffer.
When the blood drips down
I swipe it with a finger before
It falls, thumb in mouth
And it doesn’t quite taste bitter,
Like pennies,
But something softer …
Soft, like the last time
I held you in my arms.
But that is a romantic thought
That has nothing to do with how far
Away I’ve gone.
Back to that — yes,
Back to that.
I’m no longer so close anymore.
When i peer into the mirror
I have to scream at my reflection,
To know i’m still there.
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#2
I blink sometimes, and a year
Goes by. If i blink faster
After that the year doesn’t come back,
But the seconds pass at the rate of
A second and i console myself with this fact.
I may not get that year back
But in an hour an hour will have passed.
These nights love keeps me awake,
But not the good kind.
I think of all the ways i could make you
Fall out of love with me,
But i can’t cover off all of them.
Maybe one day you won’t like the
Bags beneath my eyes and
Someone else comes by,
Bag-less.
Maybe one day you wake up and that
Feeling is simply gone.
Then it will not matter how many seconds or years i have lost.
I will not get those minutes back,
But i will have to see them
Play behind eyes, tick by tick.
But it’s silly, to imagine
These things.
And By the time i am done writing this poem,
A lifetime has gone by.
this is going nowhere 